Psychokinetic Eyeball Pulling

Astrid, a mischievous noble teen, long dreamed of exploring the ancient cities preserved beneath... Read more Astrid, a mischievous noble teen, long dreamed of exploring the ancient cities preserved beneath the waves, left behind from a time before the ocean swallowed the world.When an ancient monster long thought dead assaults humanity's last bastion, a floating ship-city, she awakens her System early–only, she's not a warrior as expected, but forced to walk the path of a [Psychokinetic].With Spawn infested oceans, pirates looking to plunder, and mysterious monsters that lurk within Bubbled-Cites at the bottom of the ocean. Safety is anything but guaranteed.She’ll learn to trip; levitate, throw objects, eyeball pulling, all the way to the apex of psychic powers.But, what happens when she discovers that her world was a lot larger than she–and the rest of humanity, once thought?***[Psychokinetic] Eyeball Pulling is a laid back story about a young girl who has a craving for adventure and fighting. She wasn't expecting to awaken as a mage class, but that won't stop her from having fun—no—It only makes it better! No longer will she need to resort to laborious activities, including, but not limited to; picking up stuff, carrying stuff, or even throwing stuff! Everything can be done with her mind!This is the first serious litRPG I am writing, and I am considered a new author. So please be kind!What to expect from this story:- LitRPG elements with blue boxes- A mischievous, powerful female protagonist- Gore, eyeball pulling, and limb pulling.- Slice of life elements with a party of (hopefully) interesting and fun characters- Average chapter length 1800-2200 with a release of Mon-Wed-Fri Collapse Accelerated Growth, Adventurers, Age Progression, Army, Fearless Protagonist, Female Protagonist, Girl's Love Subplot, Level System, Magic, Magic Beasts, Monsters, Post-apocalyptic, Psychic Powers, Strong to Stronger, Zombies, LitRPG So, I've read 152 chapters of this and let me tell you why I didn't particularly liked it.I don't try to dissuade anyone from reading, and if you liked it despite what's written below, I'm happy for you.Yes, it's just a rantFirst and the biggest, in my opinion, is author's ever-present indecision, trying to sit on all chairs at once. Just some quick notable examples to get the feel: Mc's a noble, but she's a simpleton, she's a genius at swordsmanship, but she's a mage, whole world is an ocean, but author creates inland-ish feel, lore and setting is almost grimdark, but everyone's having time of their lives.Maybe not every single thing suffers from this here, but a whole lot certainly do, and the thing that suffers a lot is [dramatic pause] Psychokinetic Eyeball Pulling. Oftentimes it looks like just a silly gimmick, the eyeball pulling part, and after a while, what brings frustration is that MC just doesn't do it for no particular reason, despite apparent quickness and effectiveness.That's why I started loosing interest approaching chapter 152. There's one move vastly superior to every other move, and author making MC not use this move just so they can drag drag out the fight for more drama is very frustrating.Then, there's all other moves and abilities. Nothing is more frustrating than knowing MC's full moveset and then struggle because they just don't use some ability which would easily bail them out. That lead us to the next topic of forgotten child of plagiarism, which are the second classes. Not just the MC's second class is basically forgotten, but basically everyone has just a single class(for their skillset too one-dimensional to believably say it's a combination of skillsets of two classes), loosing this part of interesting two different classes interaction, which present in Azarinth Healer and which system is made to accommodate and handle, which system is taken here, with minor adjustments, namely class acquisition, titles, skill thresholds, and vitality with endurance are now constitution. While this story still somewhat works, it is a prime example of how you should make a system for your story and not the other way around. It just doesn't fit there, trying to modify it to suit this story's needs, author stripped all the system should have done to the story, that being an appropriate reward for effort and accomplishments. Here, system is frankenstein's monster instead of a real thing, making effort seem meaningless and accomplishments empty or undeserved.Next I want to talk how eyeball pulling gimmick feels forced and basically unwelcome. Author explores a bit about psychokinesis, it's upper limits, and then suddenly remembers he has eyeball pulling quota to fill, so that's going into the window for now, and then there's dissonance with other system stuff, like there's bonus to strength, bonus to to psychic damage, and then there's... bonus to eyeball pulling easiness... It just feels weird, like imagine a class that instead of increasing all unarmed damage increased damage of just the uppercut damage... like it's so weirdly specific it rubs the wrong way.Next, there's a general skill creep. MC used the skill in battle: skill leveled up, skill was barely used in a fight? Who cares, skill leveled up! Uhm, the skill isn't even usable in battle... What, can't hear you, skill leveled up! In every battle!!While in Azarinth Healer you can see the direct correlation between a skill being used and it leveling up, here it just levels by the virtue of existing. Such a bad correlation between accomplishments and rewards that i don't even know what to say about it.Worldbuilding is very lax. What I mean is what on the main ship there's like 5 houses in upper district, basically nothing in middle district, and infinite dungeon-like lower district with like 3 places of interest. They all have very inland feel to them, like they're not on the ship, ship's overall size is poorly described. The rest of the world is basically build out of cliches without any real depth to it, then there's another cliche of mysterious stuff happening worldwide and out MC here is conveniently just met all requirements to jump right into the fray to crawl around figuring out conspiracies.Characters are pretty static, there's not a single moment of character development I can call out. It would've been fine if characters were well written, but the MC is way off for that. MC... is very very strange. Like, she's said to be bullied repressed child, but now she's the spoiled liked-by-everyone with basically nothing in-between happening, likewise, she's said to be the winner of basically every single sword tournament she participated in, but that never shows, with her being helplessly clueless in self-defense.In conclusion, author has gone after too much cool stuff without really thinking it through, but decent first litRPG attempt3/5 I would like to take a minute and kind of expand and clarify some of the things said here. While I totally agree with a lot of the flaws such as the sidelined subclass, admittedly shoddy worldbuilding, and supposed copying of Azarinth Healer's system( I haven't read that yet but I'll take your word for it). I'd like to clarify on some of the other flaws though. Starting with the Eyeball pulling thing, she actually has a pretty good reason to do so, it is that for one of the skill she gets, it dramatically enhances and quantifies her emotions, leading to a buildup and explosion ( Think of it as exactly like Mob Psycho 100 ). The eyeball pulling thing gets greatly magnified by the emotion of obsession, due to the fact that SpoilerShe is the supposed "other half" of the eyeball witch who is some space-travelling being, and gets a transcendent class evolution from her main class to eyeball witch which drastically increases her ability to eyeball pull and she can use the powers of the creatures they belonged to. Next up is the author's "indecision". I haven't really noticed any point where MC was a "simpleton", more like a little sheltered which she gets over very quickly. The part about her being a genius at swordsmanship, but a mage, is explained by the fact that her entire family for generations have been extremally proficient magic swordsmen, so its kinda expected of her, and the fact that being a mage was forced on her and Spoilerseems to be influenced/fated by the eyeball witch. And although its been a hot minute since I last read a chapter, I can't remember any point where I felt like she could have ended a fight better with another move. I can't say much about the underdeveloped system because I haven't read the other book, so I'll just skip that part. The skill creep part can be easily answered by the fact that a lot of the skills interact with each other and she generally tries to use them all whenever possible. Then there is the worldbuilding part, which I totally agree with because although there are some hints of a much larger world narrative, the current world exists of like five areas and 20 buildings, the rest being ocean or "wilderness". Granted, most of the world is an ocean anyway and there is one very large habitable boat and one loose definition of an island. I also agree that Astrid just seems to be able be in the middle of all the important events but Spoilerthings do seem to be being manipulated from behind the scenes with things like the blob creatures and the eyeball witch who is Astrid's "other half" so fate/destiny may be driving the plot. The character development can be explained by the fact that most characters don't really need it, and some of it having happened but on a smaller scale like when Astrid meets the leviathan in the lower residence, when Johnathan's friend dies, or when Callum SpoilerLeaves the guild with Astrid. Aside from that, a lot of the other characters like Daniel are older and have already had their own character development before the MC was around, or they just haven't had their time yet.In my conclusion, although the author seems pretty new and is wasting some of the potential of the story, they are doing a really good job at entertaining me and the story itself is interesting to read and keeps bringing me back for more.8.75/10 everything becomes mid after reading Azarinth Healer imo Not everything, but fighting scenes sure do. can you suggest some? can't find anything new that excites me Is this good? The synopsis intrigued me but I'm already having my hands full with a few novels. I'll pick it up while stacking up chaps for other novels I'm reading This is really good! It’s similar to Azarinth Healer but instead of hand to hand combat it’s a psychic mage Although I'm only at chapter 20, I'm really enjoying this. The characters feel like they have depth, the story and stakes feel good, and the quirky system is hilarious. If you're not a fan of FMC's for whatever reason, that's fine, don't read it, but if you're okay with that I highly recommend this.Update: I'm at 150 now and I can honestly say I'm enjoying more than I was before. The Twists are magnificent and the story just keeps getting better. Alright, I've read to the latest available chapter and now have more to say.I really like all the twists and turns that are going on and the way Astrid's skills are being developed. I'm also a really big fan of the way fighting is portrayed, along with the "magic development and experimentation" which I absolutlutely love in novels(seriously, if you could recommend some really good realistic magic and magical development novel, it would be greatly appreciated). Overall I think this novel is past the point where things could suddenly become really badly written or have a bad direction, so just assume it stays really good otherwise, if not I'll post something(I've been hurt before, looking at you Nanomancer, still holding out hope the author might turn things around and fix the story in that one. I don't need an overly confident female MC who "DoN't NeEd No MaN" but for the love of all, why did Shiro become like a jade beauty from a Wuxia who can't do anything without the MC, 'cmon man). Sorry for ranting a little. Anyway, read this, It's good.